Donald J. Trump (impersonator) stars in his long-awaited musical Christmas sequel to the musical about his 2024 election campaign and musical about his first 100 days in office. “The best, the best, the greatest…

Act 1: It’s not Christmas without C(K)ash

Home Improvement for the Holidays

To the tune of Deck the Halls

Deck the Halls for demolition…
MA-GA-ga-ga-ga, ga, ga, ga, ga
For the new East Wing addition…
MA-GA-ga-ga-ga, ga, ga, ga, ga
Ballroom made for celebrations…
MA-GA-ga, Ma-ga-ga, ma-ga-ga
Paid by tech bro’s vast donations.
MA-ga-ga-ga-ga, ga, ga, ga, ga
.
Tarrifs bring us newfound treasure…
MA-GA-ga-ga-ga, ga, ga, ga, ga
Epstein files new displeasure…
MA-GA-ga-ga-ga, ga, ga, ga, ga
Don, who dodged so many perils…
MA-GA-ga, Ma-ga-ga, ma-ga-ga
To you we dedicate these carols!
MA-GA-ga-ga-ga, ga ga ga ga.

Adeste Infidelis

To the tune of O Come, All ye Faithful aka Adeste Fidelis

O’ Comey, unfaithful,
F. B. I. director,
O’ Comey, O’ Comey
To testify.
Witchhunts and hoaxes,
What of Hill’ry’s emails?
O’ Comey you’re a traitor,
O’ Comey you’re a traitor,
O’ Comey you’re a traitor,
And…you’re fired!

Surveilance State

To the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town Contributed by Anonymous

You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I’m telling you why…
Palantir is coming to town!
.
They’re making a list,
And checking it twice,
Gonna find out,
Who’s naughty or nice.
Alex Karp is coming to town!
.
He sees you when you’re sleeping,
He knows when you’re awake.
He knows if you’ve been bad or good,
So be good for goodness sake!
.
Oh…
You better watch out,
You better not cry
You better not pout,
I’m telling you why…
Peter Thiel is coming to town!
.
With little tin badges,
And little toy guns.
Rooty-toot-toots,
And FBI tum tums.
Kash Patel is coming town!

Kash Rules Everything Around Me

To the tune of Jingle Bells Contributed by Anonymous

Racing down the street,
In a black Suburban ride,
Through the night they creep,
With agents side by side.
Files flying high,
Briefings all around,
Oh, what fun it is to see
The feds sweep through the town!
.
Chorus
Oh! Kash Patel, Kash Patel,
And the FBI!
Looking through the evidence,
No secret can survive!
Kash Patel, Kash Patel,
Bureau by his side,
Oh, what fun it is to watch
As justice takes a ride!
.
Kicking in the door,
With warrants in their hands,
Checking every drawer,
They follow all the plans.
Whispers fill the air,
The town is full of cheer,
‘Cause when Kash and agents come,
The truth will soon appear!
.
Chorus
Oh! Kash Patel, Kash Patel,
And the FBI!
Looking through the evidence,
No secret can survive, hey!
Kash Patel, Kash Patel,
Bureau by his side,
Oh, what fun it is to watch
As justice takes a ride!

Act 2: ICE Christmas

Infeliz Navidad

To the tune of White Christmas

I’m dreaming of an ICE Christmas….
Just like the Juans I used to know…
Venezuelan gangsters, Somali pranksters,
Fish’rmen smuggling the blow…
.
I’m dreaming of an ICE Christmas…
With every greencard I deny…
May Antifa riot and hide…
And may all your Afrikans be white!

The First Noem

To the tune of The First Noel Contributed by Anonymous

The first Noem
The illegals did say
Was certain they’d be shepherded
Then shipped away

Baby There’s ICE Outside

To the tune of Baby It’s Cold Outside. Contributed by Anonymous.

I really can’t stay
Baby, there’s ICE outside
They’ll send me away
Baby, there’s ICE outside
This evening has been
Worried they’d drop in
I work for Kristy Noem
I’ll cuff your hands
Mamacita will start to worry
Bonita, what’s your hurry?
My father will be pacing the floor
Listen to that van engine roar!
I really can’t stay
Baby, there’s ICE outside!

Act 3: Elections Come But Once A Year

A President’s Lament

To the tune of My Favorite Things (Rodgers and Hammerstein, 1959). Contributed by D. Beebe.

Zohran Mamdani with socialist views
Tariffs and riots and lots of fake news
Wild supporters with red MAGA caps sing
These are a few political things
.
Meeting world leaders as conflicts arise
Secretly hoping a Nobel Peace prize
Big Beaut’ful Bill, confused tax filings
These are a few political things
.
Pardoning allies no zealots excluded
(Turkeys like Waddle and Gobble included)
Illegal imigrants tied up with strings
These are a few political things
.
When I make gaffs
Everyone laughs
When I’m being a cad
I simply remember political things
And never admit….
I’m bad!

The Dashing VP

To the tune of Jingle Bells Contributed by Anonymous

Dashing through the polls, in a shiny motorcade,
Through Ohio towns we go, waving all the way—HEY!
Bells on cameras ring, voters stop to cheer,
What fun it is to laugh and sing a VP song this year!
.
Chorus:
JD Vance, JD Vance, JD all the way!
Oh what fun it is to spread memes on X all day—HEY!
JD Vance, JD Vance, JD all the way!
Election ‘28 is only three short years away!

Run Zohran, Run

To the tune of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

Zohran, the Marxist mayor
Who the New York voters chose,
And when he got elected
Caused so many Cuomo woes.
.
The Democratic party,
Looked upon his win with glee
Easy to get elected,
If you make the buses free!
.
Then one plane ride to DC,
Zohran came to say:
“Donald, with your polls so high,
Can we put our beefs aside?
Why don’t we build more housing,
Sell groceries on the cheap,
Make New York City better,
Make it great again for you and me!”

Tips and tricks