A one-man musical comedy about the life of Donald J. Trump during the year 2024…

Act I: The Underdog

(a narrator walks on stage before the curtain comes up)

Everything that you are about to see is fake news.
Make America Laugh Again!

Let’s not get ABC’d

Adapted Song: “They Can’t Take That Away From Me” by George and Ira Gershwin

Sample Verse:

The judges may scowl at me,
With Rudy taking all the heat,
But they can't take my mugshot grin,
No, they can't take that from me.

...

For every plot and every scheme,  
I dream a dream they can't redeem,  
But they can't take my mugshot grin,  
No, they can't take that from me.

2. “The Underdog’s Anthem

Adapted Song: “I Could Have Danced All Night” from “My Fair Lady”

Verse 1:

I could have run all night,  
I could have won the fight,  
With every poll that declares me done,  
I'm still here, shining bright.

Chorus:

And now the race is on,  
And though the odds are drawn,  
I'm the underdog who'll steal the show,  
Until the break of dawn.

Verse 2:

They say I have no chance,  
But watch as I advance,  
With every speech and every crowd,  
I'll make those critics dance.

Bridge:

So here I am to stay,  
In this election play,  
With every twist and every turn,  
I'll find my winning way.

3. “Bulletproof in Butler”

Adapted Song: “I Got Rhythm” by George and Ira Gershwin

Verse 1:

I got shot at, who could ask for more?  
Just an ear, and I wasn't even sore.  
I got spirit, I got dreams,  
Who could ask for anything more?

Chorus:

In Butler, PA, they took aim,  
But I dodged the bullet, just the same.  
I'm still standing, hear my call,  
Who could ask for anything more?

Verse 2:

Secret Service, they were quick to act,  
Protected me from the sneak attack.  
I got courage, I got flair,  
Who could ask for anything more?

Bridge:

In the spotlight, I'm the star,  
Even when things go bizarre.  
I got rhythm, I got style,  
Still triumphant all the while.

Act II: Sidekicks, Satire, Success (and Side of Fries)

4. “JD’s Jive”

Adapted Song: “Friendship” by Cole Porter

Verse 1:

JD's got my back, in every track,  
With his beard and wit, let's never slack.  
We're a duo, we're a team,  
In this wild political dream.

Chorus:

JD and Don, we're quite the pair,  
Taking on the world with flair.  
In every speech and every plan,  
Together we stand, man to man.

Verse 2:

Through the rallies and debates,  
We navigate the political straits.  
JD's wisdom, my resolve,  
In the issues, we will solve.

Bridge:

Side by side, through thick and thin,  
With JD Vance, I'm sure to win.  
Our friendship strong, our spirits high,  
In this race, we reach the sky.

Alternate: “Last night a JD saved my life”

5. “Eating the Cats and Dogs”

Original Song by Kiffness Note: Include a humorous video segment featuring the song.

In Springfield... 
They're eating the dogs, they're eating the cats
They're eating the pets of the people that live there.

People of Springfield please don't eat my cat
Why would you do that? Eat something else
People of Springfield please don't eat my dog
Here's a catalogue of other things to eat

They're eating the dogs (woa woa woa woof)
They're eating the cats (meow meow meow meow)
They're eating the pets of the people that live there.

6. “McDonald’s Medley”

Adapted Song: “Anything Goes” by Cole Porter

Verse 1:

Flip those fries, serve with pride,  
In the drive-thru, I'll abide.  
In Bucks County, making memes,  
In politics, anything goes.

Chorus:

With a spatula in hand,  
I'm the fry cook of the land.  
For a meme that's never slow,  
In politics, anything goes.

Verse 2:

Customers confused, but they smile,  
As I serve with my unique style.  
Burgers flipped, and smiles wide,  
In this stunt, I take in stride.

Bridge:

In the world of fast food fun,  
I'm the candidate on the run.  
With every shake and every fry,  
I'm the meme king, oh my, oh my!

7. “Garbage Truck Groove”

Adapted Song: “Bicycle Race” by Queen

Verse 1:

Garbage truck, garbage truck,  
I want to ride my garbage truck,  
Garbage truck, garbage truck,  
I want to drive it, watch me duck.

Chorus:

You say Biden called us garbage, well,  
I'll show him just how much I excel.  
In my truck, I'm making memes,  
Driving through those political dreams.

Verse 2:

I climb aboard, it's quite a sight,  
Struggling to get in, but I'll win tonight.  
With every beep and every honk,  
In this campaign, I'll make a bonk.

Chorus:

Garbage truck, garbage truck,  
I want to ride my garbage truck,  
Garbage truck, garbage truck,  
I want to drive it, watch me duck.

Bridge:

Riding through the town, making noise,  
With my campaign, I'm one of the boys.  
In the garbage truck, I'm king,  
In this race, hear me sing.

Outro:

Garbage truck, garbage truck,  
I want to ride my garbage truck,  
Garbage truck, garbage truck,  
I want to drive it, hear me cluck.

8. “Rocketman Rendezvous”

Adapted Song: “Fly Me to the Moon” by Bart Howard

Verse 1: [sung by Musk]

Fly me to the moon, 
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars


Chorus:

In other words, let's soar high,  
In other words, Donald, kiss me! [awkward look by both]

Verse 2: [Sung by Trump]

Fill my rocket with dreams,  
And let's aim for outer space,  
You and I, Elon,  
In this cosmic race.

Chorus:

In other words, let's explore,  
In other words, let's tweet more!

Bridge: [Together]

Together we'll ignite,  
A journey that feels so right,  
With every launch and every flight,  
We'll conquer day and night.

Outro:

In other words, let's go far, [ <-- Trump ]  
In other words, hello, Mars.  [ <-- Musk ]

9. “Surprise Surprise”

Adapted Song: “Everything’s Coming Up Roses” from “Gypsy”

Verse 1:

Everyone's surprised, I'm back in command,  
With the popular vote, I take my stand.  
Electoral cheers, erasing the fears,  
Everything's coming up Trump's way.

Chorus:

In November, I claimed the prize,  
To everyone's shock and wide eyes.  
The victory's mine, oh what a sign,  
Everything's coming up Trump's way.

Verse 2:

From rallies to the voting booth,  
I campaigned with strength and truth.  
In every state, they sealed my fate,  
For a win that's truly great.

Bridge:

With confetti in the air,  
In the spotlight, I declare,  
The presidency's mine, for another time,  
As everything's coming up Trump's way.

Credits

  • Discussed with my lovely aunt on a Thanksgiving road trip and my personal trainer.
  • AI use: gpt-4o used to help turn the outline into some suggested songs, with some iteration and rewrites and expansions.