Trump, The Musical: The First Hundred Days
[imaginary-cinema music gpt5 A musical comedy about the first hundred days of Donald J. Trump’s second presidency, a sequel to the musical about his 2024 election campaign …
Act 1
Trump, who in these Hundred Days
To the tune of Lord, Who Throughout These Forty Days by Claudia Frances Hernaman (1873)
Trump, who throughout these hundred days,
We've watched the headlines blaze---
A sharpie pen at dawn and dusk,
A blizzard of new ways.
"Efficiency" the buzzword bright,
New org charts come to light;
Tech titans nod and crypto pops
In headlines, day and night.
On borders, sirens, steel, and sand,
"Take charge, take back the land";
With ICE in boots and buses too,
A very steady hand.
He blesses English, signals norms,
Reviews of federal forms;
On culture skirmishes and sports,
He stirs familiar storms.
On energy, a change of tune,
"Drill now, not later---soon!"
And budget locks with bullion talk,
Secure as Fort Knox's room.
On tariffs, he will draw the line,
"Reciprocal" by design;
The customs tills go ring-a-ding,
While markets read the sign.
Abroad, the maps were under strain,
Debates on aid and pain;
He weighed the costs and flags and frost
And where that leaves Ukraine.
So guide us through these hundred days,
Where fans and foes appraise;
With patter bright and shaded light,
We sing the nation's maze.
Fort Knox
Contributed by DJ Borscht
To the tune of Heart of Gold (Neil Young, 1972)
Fort Knox! You grow up hearing about it...
You can't get in, can't even see it!
Nobody sees it!
You go there and the place is dry---
Would that be terrible?
We're actually going to Fort Knox, because
I want to see if we actually have the gold.
Wouldn't that be dissapointing,
if you go there and the place was dry?
Would that be terrible?
Terrible.
Do we still have tons of Gold?
Do we still have tons of Gold?
Wouldn't that be dissapointing,
if you go there and the place was dry?
Would that be terrible?
Terrible.
Whatever it is...
Do we still have tons of gold?
I hope we do!
Tons of gold.
ICE, ICE Baby
Rapped to the tune of Ice, Ice, Baby (Vanilla Ice, 1990)
ICE ICE Baby!
ICE ICE Baby!
Alright, stop---secure the line, pay attention,
ICE rolls out on a strict new direction.
Funding shifts fast---reallocation nightly,
Steel slats climb, mile by mile, daily, nightly.
"Will crossings drop?" Yo, numbers will show,
Flip on the floods---infrared sensors glow.
Onstage I pitch it from border to panhandle,
Light up the line with drones, towers, and panels.
Plan: use the ports where the loudspeaker booms,
Skip the line? Get bounced---no wiggle room.
End catch-and-release, tighten custody,
Anything short of the statute's a penalty.
Pause certain entries from terror hot zones,
Court fights ignite---then the High Court upholds.
"Remain in Mexico" queues cases by station,
Merit-based points reshape immigration.
Sanctuary funds get tied to compliance,
E-Verify checks add data to the science.
If there's a border mess, we resolve it,
Check the brief while DOJ files it.
ICE ICE Baby!
ICE ICE Baby!
Act 2: It’s Hard to Be the King
Melania’s Lament
(contributed by D. Beebe)
To the tune of “Maria” from West Side Story (Bernstein/Sondheim 1957)
Melania,
I'm the president's wife named Melania
And suddenly that name
Will never be the same, again.
Melania,
I modeled sans permit. Melania
And suddenly came fame
The Donald had me take his name!
Melania, say it loud
It could mean deportation
Say it soft
and no unplanned vacation!
Melania
We'll never stop saying,
Melania!
A President’s Lament (A few political things)
(contributed by D. Beebe) To the tune of My Favorite Things (Rodgers and Hammerstein, 1959)
Snipers on rooftops and a patch on my earlobe
Top secret papers I have at Mar-a-Lago
Rounding up immigrants tied up with strings
These are a few of political things
Crazy Pelosi and lying Ted Cruz
Rally and riots and lots of fake news
Wild people with their red MAGA caps sing
These are a few of political things
When I make gaffs
Everyone laughs
When I'm being a cad
I simply remember political things
And then I don't feel... so bad